I told her we needed to “kill some time” while we waited to pick up her big sister. That phrase should always be a warning signal to my soul. Killing time? No. I want to savor time. It’s not like I am having a root canal. I have a few extra minutes alone with my beloved seven-year-old blonde beauty. My little dream come true, for whom I longed for years. She is here and we are together, and nothing matters more.
We found ourselves in downtown Niles browsing through the antique stores. I am not a big fan of shopping, but I followed Kayla’s lead and let myself begin to take in the beauty of the things around me. She would walk in each store, pause (seemingly deciding where to start) and then move toward the first fascinating thing she wanted to see and touch and experience.
It was a jewelry box. She opened it up and the little ballerina began to twirl as the music floated through that little musty-smelling boutique. Her eyes found mine, and she smiled in wonder. We had a “moment.” Then I shut the lid, ready to move on to the next thing. When I did, the music stopped, and she looked up at me, “But Mom! She is not done dancing!” She opened the box up again and waited for the tune to finish, and for the girl to stop twirling.
“She’s not done dancing.” There is so much more loveliness here mom, more to experience, more to enjoy. What is the hurry? Kayla has no idea what it means to kill time. She cherishes it. Lives fully in it. Takes in every bit of beauty that the moment offers her. She doesn’t want to stop the dancing, or interrupt the music to simply move on to what’s next. She wants to stay here until it is over. She wants to slurp up every bit of joy right here, right now.
One of my favorite writers, Ann Voskamp, wrote a beautiful piece yesterday and she shaped it around one of my most loved poems by Mary Oliver.
“Instructions for living a life.
Tell about it.”
This is how my Kayla Joy lives. This is how most little ones approach their lives. Arms, eyes, heart wide open, taking it all in with such joy and wonder and then telling all about. Mom, mom, MOM! Look at this...Touch this…Smell this!
I am more aware than ever that time flies as my firstborn seems to be travelling through high school at the speed of lightning. Being a mom is by far the most challenging role of my life—it is also the most joy-filled. Too often, I am tempted to hurry through, but my little Joy-Giver reminds me again how to really live life. Don’t interrupt the music, the dancing. Savor it.
Thanks baby girl.